This post is part of Working Mommy Wednesday - head over to Julia's blog and check out what other mom's have to say!
Confessions:
I think I make it look easy on my blog. It is SO not easy.
I love, LOVE, my kids. But some days I'd love an hour at Target by myself even more.
Chad has been working a lot. I know it's not fun for him to be working all the time, but sometimes I'm secretly jealous because I would like a break.
Sam is so into babies right now, I would love to have another baby. Almost just to see how great of an older brother he would be. But I know there is no way we want to risk preemie hood again. Not to mention we are completely overwhelmed with activities and keeping it all straight as it is.
That stuff they tell you about feeding your kids healthy foods when they are little and they will grow up to make healthy choices? LIES!
Sometimes I pay my 6 yr old in quarters to just eat the same meal we are eating without complaint (hey, one way to earn their allowance am I right?)
I sleep on the couch with my 21 month old because he still won't sleep through the night and it's easier to just sleep with him than to walk through the house 3 - 4 times a night to get to him. I secretly don't hate the snuggle time
My 6 yr old is getting to the age where we hear "I hate you". While we definitely discourage this language, it doesn't break my heart like I thought it would. Mostly because by the time we get to that point, I'm so mad I don't like him that much either in the moment.
Despite the tough times, there are more good moments than bad.
It only takes a fraction of a great moment to make up for a whole lot of bad ones.
There is nothing, nothing like the love of boys for their mommies.
These boys (and their Dad) are my world, and everything I do, I do with the honest intent of making their worlds better.
Oh yeah, and they are pretty much spoiled rotten. Sue me!
Time for another Working Mommy Wednesday question, courtesy of Julia.
#1. What is your most stressful time of day and why? Well there are two. Getting out the door in the morning is definitely stressful. Remembering to grab/pack whatever Gavin needs for that particular day at school or camp. Grabbing all my stuff. Getting kids teeth brushed, finding the shoes Gavin wants to wear, and now that Sam is home with the nanny getting him to play with her instead of hassling me while I get ready. No matter how organized I try to be the night before, I am always out the door at least ten minutes later than I intended. It makes me crazy.
Then there is coming home. As of today there is no more kid pick up. When I worked downtown it was bad because I never knew if I would hit traffic or an accident and pick the kids up later than I intended (day cares were open til 6 but I somehow always felt like a bad mom if I didn't have them picked up by 5:30). So it's better, but now that the nanny is at our house with Sam and the other little girl, there is stress b/c she gets picked up a little later than I usually get home so my house is not my own for a little bit. Plus the nanny tries to pick up, but entertaining the kids is the first priority and I never come home to the same house I left. There have been some times when she's had the chance and I come home to a sparkling clean house. Those days are the best! I love our arrangement, but it does cause its own unique stress.
#2. If you could have one day all to yourself, how would you spend it? In my fantasy world I would lay by the pool with a girlfriend and look at gossip mags all day and drink wine.
In reality, even if I take the day off, the nanny and kids are at my house, so it doesn't look like my days will be my own for quite some time. BUT my husband can vouch for the fact that I guard my time alone like precious jewels and have the time all planned out. I might go to the grocery store or Target and get my shopping done without kids, in peace. I would go to the Limited and actually have time to look around and try stuff on. I would pick up something indulgent for lunch and bring it home. I would turn on the TV and watch guilty pleasure reality shows, and even if they are on DVR I wouldn't skip the commercials. I would sit on the couch and fold laundry while watching the show and get up and clean during commercial breaks.
Pathetic huh? But such a slice of heaven when I get that time. These days I get excited if I get a couple hours like this when Sam is napping and Gav is playing at the neighbors, imagine a whole day!
I haven't done this for a while, so I thought I would actually participate in the Working Mommy Wednesday question (courtesy of Julia): Maternity Leave - How long did you take? Were you ready to come back? How did you survive/manage? Tips for new moms returning to work?.
With Gavin, I had just been at my job for a few months. If you were there less than a year, you only had 4 weeks paid short term leave @ 100% and then no pay. I used up three of those weeks in the hospital on bed rest, so by the time Gavin was born I only had one paid week remaining. This was my first real job out of college (read: we were young and didn't have tons of money) so I couldn't afford to take a lot of unpaid leave.
Oh yeah, and he was in the NICU being cared for by nurses, not me remember?
I decided to go back to work after three weeks. Yep, I said it THREE WEEKS! My recovery time was next to zero since he was so tiny and I figured if I was going to take unpaid leave, it might as well be when he got home, not while he was in the hospital. At that point he was still hooked up to all sorts of stuff, it's not like I could hold him all day. I woke up at 5, went to the hospital, fed him, went to work, came back over lunch, fed him, back to work, back to hospital after work, then home to sleep. Such was my life for a little over 2 months. He happened to come home right before Thanksgiving, so I had a little vacation time remaining to use, plus the paid holiday days, and spent another week or so home with him. Still not much, but something. Chad worked at QT at the time with an odd schedule and my mom took Friday's off to watch him, so he was only with a sitter a few hours a week. That made it much easier to go back to work after he was home.
It really wasn't that hard to go back to work. It was probably good for me when he was in the hospital because I couldn't obsess over him every second. I think that having something to keep my mind occupied was good for all of us in the long run.
Sam was a different story. I had short term disability that covered the time I was on bed rest in the hospital, as well as 6 weeks post-delivery. I ended up taking a few extra days off so that my return date was a Monday. The first 17 days were spent in the NICU. I had been going to work early prior to having him 6 or so in the morning and coming home earlier, so I continued to get up and to the NICU early since Gavin was used to it. Then I would pick him up from day care and spend the evenings with him.
It was amazing to have 4 weeks home with Sam. I didn't know what that was with Gavin. I don't think I barely put him down for the entire time (his reflux made it hard, but I also just wanted to soak up all that time). I definitely didn't feel as ready to go back to work with Sam. I wanted the adult interaction and the mental stimulation, but it was hard to let go of that bonding time, especially since I felt like I was robbed of it with Gavin.
How did I manage? It's easy. I have a ridiculous work ethic. When I'm there, I'm committed to doing my job. I'm focused, and driven, and that's how I survive. I made a point to pump every three hours, roughly, no matter what. Just b/c I worked didn't mean I was going to let my kids miss out on that.
As far as tips go - I think I would just say make sure you find caretakers that you trust, that are reliable. That don't mind if you call to check in a million times a day. I liked that my day care wrote down every bottle, diaper change, nap - I felt like I was still in the loop somewhat. It's not easy, but eventually you find your "normal". And the biggest tip: once you've made up your mind to work, not work, go back to work: don't second guess, and don't apologize. You're the only person that knows what is right for your family.
