Soccer Camp

Gavin is doing such a great job at soccer camp! I have to say it's not just the proud mom talking, because I will be the first to admit Little Ninjas may not be his thing.

After 4 days of soccer, he is running and kicking the ball very well, as well as starting to show me some of his fancier footwork. And he's really enjoying it! Previously he has expressed extreme displeasure with being "sweaty", but he doesn't seem to mind.

Props to Johnston Community Ed and the Johnston High Varsity soccer coach and players, they are doing an AWESOME job with our little ones.

Sam is 6 months old!

Sam, you surprised me from the first moment I saw you with your blond-brown hair and blue eyes, that still haven't changed color!

You caused me a lot of anxiety in your first couple weeks and your refusal to eat, but look at you now! I imagine close to 17 pounds, and you LOVE to eat.

You are so happy, sweet, and snuggly.

You are super clingy and refuse to sleep by yourself. One day I will start working on that!

You are a total stalker when Dad is holding you and you won't take your eyes off me....and I love it.

You are close to sitting up, close to army crawling, and have a few favorite toys.

You've started reaching for things, and I love the uncoordinated way you try to stroke my face as I give you a bottle.

I'm afraid you are already getting an obsession with cars. We won't tell your brother how we let you play with (slobber on) his monster truck while he was gone.

You have your day care provider totally charmed.

We love you so much and are so happy you are part of our family. I couldn't imagine life without you!

Remembering Ella

I've recently been back in touch with a former co-worker who is struggling with a difficult pregnancy after losing an 18 weeker just like we did. While it brings back so many memories, it also slowly heals my heart to bring comfort to someone in such a scary situation.

I still have days where I miss Ella, miss the pink and barbies and girliness that should be a part of my life. I feel horrible admitting that, because if we had Ella, we would not have Gavin, and of course I can't imagine life without my peanut!

Anyway, here is an email I sent this friend. We miss you Ella, and I think of you often.

"Not a burden at all….it actually really helps to hear someone else’s experiences, it’s one of those things that no one can relate to unless they have been through it.

We were the same way with our name, it was from some song Chad liked and we just LOVED it. At first I was in complete denial, I remember asking them if they could just knock me out and wake me up when the delivery was over. They told me they couldn’t do that, and it was for the best that I “live” the experience. I didn’t want to hold her, but I am so glad my mom convinced me to do so. I didn’t look at her, they had her bundled up in a blanket, that was later mailed to my mom’s house. It was the hardest thing I have ever done, but I am glad I did. I now regret not opening the blanket and looking at her. Try not to dwell on the regrets….you made the best decision you could under the circumstances.

Oh – and to make things worse – this was 3 days after our wedding and on Chad’s birthday. We had already been engaged but planning a long engagement when I got pregnant so ended up planning the wedding in 5 weeks. How crazy to go from the happiest day of my life to the worst day in a matter of a couple days.

And to make things more worse, I had been in the ER the night before with what I now know was contractions. Having never been in labor before, I just knew I was in pain, the ER doctor decided to ignore the rules about sending pregnant people straight to the maternity floor and instead drew blood, did a urine sample, and listened to the heartbeat. No actual exam was done. Would it have helped? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe they would have been able to do something and held me off to 23 weeks when she was viable, and we would have struggled with a really unhealthy child. Who knows. But I hate that the er dr didn’t do a damn thing, because now I always have to wonder.

SO, wow, sorry to burden you with this. I’m not the most religious person, but I do take comfort that there is something that lies beyond this world. When I let myself dwell on it I find myself happy that my Grandpa and Ella are together. I imagine all the little angel babies playing together. I really have to let myself believe we’ll all be back together some day. It’ll be 6 years this November that we lost her. It’s amazing how it can stay with you. I cried my eyes out every day for a long time. And while I never intended to get pregnant with her, and I really hadn’t planned on having kids that young, it wasn’t until I got pregnant with Gavin that I started to heal that pain (4 months later). Aren’t kids amazing how they affect you?"

I've Created a Monster

This weekend Gavin went to Grandma Betsy's for a weekend visit. One would think I would get a lot of stuff done around the house with one kid gone...not so much. Friday I WAS able to get out for exactly 2 hrs and 45 minutes for a much needed girls night. Although Saturday Chad had a guys night and was gone for close to 10 hrs.....hmmmm, funny how that works out......

Saturday Sam and I visited Grandma Lois at Deerfield and he put on quite a show for all the spectators in the dining room.

Sam loves Mommy kisses, and was giving some longing looks to the bowl of ice cream. Not yet little man!

Sunday we went grocery shopping and I attempted to finally catch up on laundry but Sam would have none of it. He's been especially needy and especially pukey lately. His 6 month check up is coming up and I think I will see able switching his reflux meds as I have learned it is common to build up a tolerance to Zantac. I guess the biggest issue with trying to get caught up on laundry was that I did at least 3 additional loads of bibs, blankets, clothes (Sam's) and t-shirts (mine) that were constantly showered with spit up. He spits (a lot) whenever he is sitting up or on his tummy, but we have to let him be in those positions in order to work on his motor skills - so frustrating.

Sunday night I decided I really needed to get the kitchen cleaned up from dinner and Chad and Gav were playing downstairs, so I put him in his crib. He tolerated it for all of 2 minutes, then screamed his little heart out for another 5 minutes as I washed dishes. I went in and rescued him, and man, can he break your heart. He wasn't just crying, he was shaking and whimpering like he was terrified - poor little guy!

Now, this is all my fault. Due to his horrible reflux, he never liked laying on his back when he first came home. He HATED the bassinet in our room, and wouldn't sleep in the crib for more than an hour. In order to get some much needed sleep, I got into the habit of sleeping with him on the couch. There was probably a window a couple months ago where he was finally comfortable on his back due to his meds, and still small enough to settle into a new sleeping arrangement. Now I'm going to have a fight on my hands. But really, I don't mind so much, as I work during the week, so it's nice to have the nights with him....but boy do I miss my comfy bed!

Gavin has soccer camp this week! I thoroughly confused him when I made a comment about how he would learn to dribble the ball.

Gavin: are we going to be on the sidewalk or the grass?
Mom: on the grass
G: but it's hard to dribble on the grass
M: it's not like basketball, you dribble with your feet in soccer
G: like this? (and bops his foot up and down, like you would your hand in basketball)

Why must we confuse things by using the same words for different things???

My Random Thoughts

Sometimes I see or read something that I just have to share my opinion. This blog is not the place, so I have created another one. If you are interested it is www.bsrandomthoughts.blogspot.com. Ha! Get it? bs for Bridie Sellers...AND bs. Hey, it works. It's also linked in the blog list.

Too Cute

All he did was smile this morning, but I could never catch it on film. I have a picture of Gavin on the floor like this in the same outfit, and I swear the same look on his face; I need to find it.

He has two toys that he loves to play with now

He is great at rolling, he lays on his back, grabs the blanket, and rolls; gets himself all wrapped up like a burrito

"you talking to me??"

Pure Joy

Sometimes, life's just easy. This morning I could tell Sam was getting sleepy, he was laying on the floor and I handed him a pacifier and a blanket and he just fell asleep. Just like that.

I don't have anything special to say today, other than Sam just brings so much joy to our lives. Gavin too (and he's been a really good kid so far this weekend). Besides the easy napping, Sam has been playful and smiling and laughing all morning. He's getting to be so interactive. I was kissing him on the cheek and he was giving me this monster grin back.

Yes. Pure JOY. I'm so lucky to have all these wonderful boys in my life (including my hubby!).

Not every day is this easy. But man, do I appreciate the moments that are.

I hope everyone is having an AMAZING weekend!