Party in the USA

One evening in Florida it was rainy and Chad and Gav went to the 4D movie theater. Sam had fallen asleep early but woke up ready to play. He stumbled upon the "Smooth Latin" ring tone on my phone and started dancing - so we spent the next hour dancing in the hotel room to cheesy ringtone music!

So You Think YOU Can Dance?

Gavin is 6!!! (And a monkey...)

I'm sparing you all the sappy post about how much I love this kid and what an impact he has had in our lives. If you really want a sappy post today you can read his birth story here, or last year's post that covered his NICU experience here, or read about the way he has changed my life here. And because I can't help myself I will throw in one note:

Gavin - I love you so much! I am so proud of how hard you work, and of what an amazing older brother you are. You love your family so much! You are kind hearted and would never intentionally be hurtful to anyone. I love your funny and interesting questions. Even though I hate that you are growing up, I'm excited to see you start to mature and become your own little person.

To celebrate this day, I met up with Gavin for lunch at school. I brought cupcakes for the class, topped with gummy worms just like he wanted. I brought Subway for us to eat together in the lunch room. I am so glad to be so close to his school now - it's so much easier to share these special moments!

Tonight we will get Chinese food per Gavin's request and open his present from us (a Ninendo DS!). Chad suggested we look up his Chinese zodiac to read to him tonight. And it turns out to be fairly fitting. At any rate it's interesting - and not surprising, turns out I am a monkey too (I'm a metal monkey, he's a wood monkey).

So I present to you Gavin Sellers, according to the Chinese zodiac:

Personality: Occupying the 9th position on the Chinese Zodiac, the Monkey possesses such character traits as curiosity, mischievousness, and cleverness (check, check, and check). Forever playful, Monkeys are the masters of practical jokes. Even though their intentions are always good, this desire to be a prankster has a tendency to create ill will and hurt feelings.



Although they are inherently intellectual and creative, Monkeys at times have trouble exhibiting these qualities. When that happens, they appear to others to be confused. But nothing could be further from the truth as Monkeys thrive on being challenged. Monkeys prefer urban life to rural, and their favorite pastime is people-watching.


Health: Believing that being sick is a waste of a valuable day, Monkeys very rarely feel ill. Their constantly active lifestyles are likely what helps Monkeys remain in good health. When Monkeys do become ill, such feelings are generally the result of feeling nervous.


Career: When it comes to work, Monkeys can do just about anything. They adapt well to changing environments (I'm hoping he'll grow into this!) and they’re very intelligent. They work quickly, but they’ll frequently charge double for their services. Good career fields for Monkeys are accounting and banking. Other good careers for Monkeys include: scientist, engineer, stock market trader, air traffic controller, dealer, film director, jeweler and sales representative.


Relationships: When it comes to relationships, Monkeys aren’t quick to settle down. In fact, they generally are promiscuous; a tendency that probably has to do with the fact that Monkeys are easily bored. Monkeys will end this type of behavior once they pair up with the perfect partner. In fact, more often than not, they’ll commit to that person in every way for life.

Wood Monkey – Years 1944 and 2004The Wood Monkey’s exceptional communication skills enable them to interact well with others. They’re hard workers who have a keen understanding of the way things operate.

Gavin's Birth Story

How appropriate that the prompt for Working Mommy Wednesday was to share a birth story - something I was planning to do since Gavin is turning 6 on Friday!

Where to begin? I guess we'll start when I found out I was pregnant. After going through some extensive, invasive testing to see why we had lost Ella so early (18 w), the consensus was it was a "fluke" and that subsequent pregnancies would be "fine". I was blissfully ignorant, and therefore not stressed, when I found out I was pregnant again in March of 2004. I mean, I was stressed (I was going to have a BABY!) but not worried that something would go wrong.

At 14 weeks I had a high risk ultrasound. Everything looked great. We were having a boy!

At 16 weeks I had a regular OB appt, and the nurse noticed a note on my file that the high risk Dr's wanted me back for another u/s. At 17 1/2 weeks I was back at high risk, where they were pretty miffed - they had wanted to see me back at 16 weeks, but apparently someone dropped the ball at my OB's office.

It was an 8 am appt. The u/s tech did her thing, then asked us to wait for the Dr in the exam room. I started to get nervous - last time they just sent us on our way. Dr. Mahone came in and explained that my cervix was starting to funnel, it was almost completely open, and that emergency surgery was the only option. I didn't have time to think. I couldn't say no (well, I could but then we would surely lose the baby). I hadn't eaten breakfast which meant I could go in to the OR asap. There were risks - of infection, of breaking my water.

I often wonder what would have happened if I had actually gone in at 16 weeks and things looked fine. Would they have seen me again? If not, would we have lost Gavin too? What if things just looked kinda bad, but not dire? Would I have gone on bed rest at that point and decided not to risk surgery? It's hard not to let my mind wander down that path. As it turns out, things worked out.

I was out of the hospital the next day and on bed rest at home for 5 days. I returned to work half days, and worked from my couch the other half of the day. I had weekly u/s at the high risk office. My third week back to work, I was allowed to bump my hours up to 6 hours a day. Then things started to look worse. I got a laptop and was on full time bed rest at home and worked from my couch.

Three weeks into home bed rest I woke up bleeding and we raced to the hospital at 5 am. I remember thinking "24 weeks. This is it. At least he's viable. We have a chance."

Turns out it was not my water breaking. One of the stitches from surgery ripped loose. Unfortunately the bleeding caused some pre-term labor. I was admitted to the hospital, and put on drugs to try to stop the activity. After a couple days I realized I wasn't leaving the hospital anytime soon. People started cooking meals for Chad and he and my mom and friends all rallied around to visit me and keep me upbeat in the hospital. I remember I was worried about money - my job only paid 4 weeks of disability pay. A girl that I worked with at 801 Steak & Chop brought her sister to see me - she had a preemie (26 w) 5 years earlier, and hospital bed rest. It helped to know what to expect.

The days, and then weeks ticked by. After two weeks we finally found a drug that worked. If I made it through the weekend, I would go home! With a drug pump and monitor, but at least I would be home. And then.....my water broke, sealing my fate of not getting to leave. I was 26 weeks at this point. The goal had been 32 weeks. But now, every day was a victory. I was given steroids to help his lungs mature, taken off the medication that was reducing my amniotic fluid (and therefore the pressure on my cervix). Fortunately the break was a leak and not a gush. An u/s indicated there was sufficient water left, so they decided to continue to hold off delivery.

This is it. A week later, at 26w6d, I started feeling pain unlike the pain I'd had since entering the hospital. I just knew it was over. I started to spike a fever and the risk of infection outweighed the risk of prematurity. We moved to the delivery suite and my mom was called to the hospital around 10 pm.

As it was, once they finally allowed me to deliver, he didn't come quickly as I anticipated. I moved to the delivery suite around 8 pm. I could not have an epidural. I was in tremendous amounts of pain due to back labor. I curled up on my side and tried not to move. I couldn't look at anything around the room or it would overstimulate me or make me sick. At one point I told my mom and Chad "Don't look at me, don't talk to me - just leave me alone!"

Yeah, I'm pleasant like that when in massive amounts of pain! Throughout the night I was given a couple doses of fentanyl - which was great but slowed down progress and wore off quickly.

Then after 9 hours of slooooow progress, I was dilated to 6cm but Gavin was so tiny that's all it took. The Dr. was not in the room, the NICU team was not in the room and I just remember screaming "he's coming". I was in complete panic mode because I knew the nurse could deliver a baby, but I knew it was critical that the NICU team be there to get him on support immediately. A dozen nurses flooded the room, got in my face, told me to breathe and do not push. Everything from there on out is pretty much a blur. Everyone got to the room that needed to.

And just when you think the story can't possibly get more exciting...my mother passes out. Imagine this circus of wimps: Chad is right by my head with no line of sight to "anything gross" and my eyes are squeezed shut for the same reason. My mom, who has a history of fainting in medical situations, and insisted childbirth was different, gets dizzy as I start to push. She gets behind Chad's chair and drops to the floor. Chad moves to the recliner in the corner of the room so a nurse can get to her. And I have my eyes shut tight and no idea what I am doing since I never went to childbirth class. This is the circus into which Gavin enters the world.

The Dr. says "look down and see your baby" as his head comes out and I just yell "No I don't want to!!". I finally open my eyes to see my mom dry heaving into a paper bag. The baby is on the warmer being cared for. Chad is opposite me in a chair with a sheet covering his head (again, so as not to see anything "gross").

They wheeled my bed over to the warming table and let Chad and I each hold a hand as they intubated Gavin. Born at 5:35 am 8/27/04, at 27w0d gestation - 2 lb, 5 oz and 14 1/2 inches long, and feisty as can be. He was trying to pull that tube out from the start. I looked into his tiny grey eyes and then he was tucked away in the isolette and transported to the NICU, Chad in tow. My mom couldn't stay around long - on top of everything, she was moving houses that day!

So suddenly, everyone was gone and there I was, alone in the delivery room. No bassinet, no pictures of the happy family, no one teaching me how to nurse. Just....silence. This is not how it's supposed to be.

And that is Gavin's birth story.....if you missed last year's birthday post about our NICU experience (or just want a reminder of how far we've come!) you can read it here.

Basketball

Here are a few pictures from a couple months ago that I am finally getting around to posting. Chad got a couple NERF basketball hoops for the basement.

Sam, Sinuses, Soccer and Starting School

Let's start with Sam - last week we had his 18 month check up (late because someone was behind in appt setting). He weighed in at 26 lb, 6 oz and 33 1/4 inches tall, 54% and 80% respectively. So he continues to be my tall and skinny little man. Everything checked out well, but because his 12 month shots were delayed due to him being sick at the time, we couldn't get his Hep A vaccine for 6 months, and we were just shy of it. He will also get his blood drawn to re check for anemia when we come back for the shots.

The last couple days his sinuses have flared up, and neither Claritin nor Benadryl have done much good. Today Brenda thought he was complaining of ear pain so I ran him in to the Dr. His ears actually looked good, but he thought the sinus stuff was bad enough and had gone on long enough that it was no longer just allergies, but a sinus infection. So we are starting an antibiotic and we've got a new med for allergies (Zyrtec).

Soccer has started! I love soccer. I'm sitting at our second practice of the season as we speak (thank goodness for Wifi and multitasking!). They had a scrimmage game last week. I always think it's so funny Gavin complains about soccer and then gets out there and kills it and has a great time. He probably scored 5 or more goals, and more importantly had a bunch of fun. Our next game is this Saturday at 8:45. I have started an online calendar - if you would like access to it so that you can see our schedule, please email me and I will send it to you. Sometimes games will conflict, so also email/call if you are unsure as to which game we will attend.

School started on Monday and Gavin is officially a big first grader. He's riding the bus this year and so far it is going well. He loves it and thinks it is so much more fun than KTC. He has had a bit of an attitude in the evenings, but he has a rough time when life changes, so hopefully he will get accustomed in another week or so. He seems to like school so far and has even made a new friend that rides the bus, is in his class, and lives on our street "in the blue house".

I did get pictures and will get them posted when I get a chance.

I am attending my first school PTO meeting tonight. Very "soccer mom" of me, don't you think?

Football practices should be starting soon, and games start mid September. We will know more after the coaches meeting this week.

Roewe Reunion

Back in July, we went to Laurens, Iowa to the family farm for a family reunion. Gavin was off and running most of the time, so it's mostly just pictures of Sam.

Thanks Aunt Marcia for the cool prizes!

Pretty much Gavin the whole time - running with Nolan

 

5 of the 7 little boys that were at the farm that weekend

Haircuts

WMW: Morning Rush and WHAT Time to Myself?

Time for another Working Mommy Wednesday question, courtesy of Julia.

#1. What is your most stressful time of day and why? Well there are two. Getting out the door in the morning is definitely stressful. Remembering to grab/pack whatever Gavin needs for that particular day at school or camp. Grabbing all my stuff. Getting kids teeth brushed, finding the shoes Gavin wants to wear, and now that Sam is home with the nanny getting him to play with her instead of hassling me while I get ready. No matter how organized I try to be the night before, I am always out the door at least ten minutes later than I intended. It makes me crazy.

Then there is coming home. As of today there is no more kid pick up. When I worked downtown it was bad because I never knew if I would hit traffic or an accident and pick the kids up later than I intended (day cares were open til 6 but I somehow always felt like a bad mom if I didn't have them picked up by 5:30). So it's better, but now that the nanny is at our house with Sam and the other little girl, there is stress b/c she gets picked up a little later than I usually get home so my house is not my own for a little bit. Plus the nanny tries to pick up, but entertaining the kids is the first priority and I never come home to the same house I left. There have been some times when she's had the chance and I come home to a sparkling clean house. Those days are the best! I love our arrangement, but it does cause its own unique stress.


#2. If you could have one day all to yourself, how would you spend it? In my fantasy world I would lay by the pool with a girlfriend and look at gossip mags all day and drink wine.

In reality, even if I take the day off, the nanny and kids are at my house, so it doesn't look like my days will be my own for quite some time. BUT my husband can vouch for the fact that I guard my time alone like precious jewels and have the time all planned out. I might go to the grocery store or Target and get my shopping done without kids, in peace. I would go to the Limited and actually have time to look around and try stuff on. I would pick up something indulgent for lunch and bring it home. I would turn on the TV and watch guilty pleasure reality shows, and even if they are on DVR I wouldn't skip the commercials. I would sit on the couch and fold laundry while watching the show and get up and clean during commercial breaks.

Pathetic huh? But such a slice of heaven when I get that time. These days I get excited if I get a couple hours like this when Sam is napping and Gav is playing at the neighbors, imagine a whole day!

Nickelodeon Suites Vacation

It never stops and now I am about 3 months behind in getting pictures uploaded! My evening picture upload/blog time has taken second fiddle to working out, so my apologies.

Two weekends ago we took a quick trip to the Nickelodeon Suites hotel (http://www.nickhotel.com/). It wasn't the most luxurious digs in the world (or the roomiest considering it was a "suite") BUT it was a great place for families. There were two separate pool areas, and both had a separate little kids area and some great water slides. The bigger "Oasis" pool had five or six slides and what was nice was they didn't empty into a big pool. It was a separate structure and the slides ended in little water troughs so non swimmers like Gavin had no problem. In the smaller "lagoon" pool the slides did end in the pool, but he had to wear a life jacket (wasn't tall enough to ride without it). Of course he needed it anyway, but he wore that and we would stand just outside the ropes at the end of the slide and when he came down go in a grab him.

By the end of the trip he was having a great time in the life jacket working on his swimming skills. Sam also loved the water although he wasn't a fan of life jackets. There were plenty of fun kiddie areas to keep him entertained, which was good b/c when he was in the main pool with us he had no fear. He thought he could just get on his belly and take off swimming.

The weather was great except for rain on Sunday and the pools were closed the better part of the day. Gavin and Chad ended up going to the arcade and checking out all the movies in the 4D movie theater. Think 3D with movie seats and confetti thrown at you and water squirting you in the face. Fun right? The cost of the theater was really reasonable, $12 for an unlimited pass and the features were about a half hour long each, so good for a kids attention span.

While they were seeing shows, Sam and I were stuck in our tiny suite - without the pools there wasn't much there for little guys to do. He was messing with my phone and stumbled upon the "smooth latin" ring tone and started dancing all over the room. And just like that a dance party to my cell ring tones errupted. It was so much fun!

The last morning we were there, we went to the character buffet breakfast, and the kids got to see Sponge Bob, Dora, Blue, Little Bill, and Aang, the Airbender. Gavin was skeptical and asked a lot of questions about how real they were. He's at that age where I think he wants to believe they are the real deal but knows better. Sam didn't know what to think. He has a phobia of some stuffed animals, but he handled these guys pretty well. Oddly enough, he liked Aang the best!

What else? The kids didn't sleep on either flight, but they did really well. Gavin got "slimed" in a mass sliming by the pool. We wore soggy suits b/c the ventilation was really poor in the room and they never dried. Food prices at the resort were a lot more reasonable than I thought. And unless you are planning on renting a car, two and a half days in plenty long for a trip there. Pictures to come. Hopefully before our next (as yet unplanned) vacation.

Our Miracle(?) Boy

As Gavin’s 6th birthday is quickly approaching, I’ve been giving thought to his birthday post. I always refer to him as our “miracle boy”, and it’s got the wheels turning.


Recently there was quite a heated discussion on the use of the term “miracle” on a preemie discussion board I belong to. The NICU Discovery Series show, which portrays later term preemies, had parents refer to their babies as miracles, and it put some of the mothers in quite an outrage. “How can they call these 4 pound babies miracles! Our 1 and 2 pound babies are the real miracles!” Since then I’ve been pondering my own meaning of this controversial, extremely personal word.

First off, let me say these are my opinions alone. They are not right, they are just how I feel, and I certainly don’t want to take away from how anyone else defines a miracle. I just find it an extremely interesting discussion point, and therefore an interesting topic for a blog post.


Not being a terribly religious person, I can only imagine that those of the more religious persuasion would argue that any and all children are miracles and blessings from God. I did a LOT of reading during my pregnancy, and all the things that have to go just right in order to a) even get pregnant and b) make it past the first trimester, not to mention full term, I would tend to agree. I would argue that a full term baby is the true miracle, that everything happened right as it should, when it should, when there are so many opportunities along the way for things to go wrong.

Our preemies were early. Something went wrong. Is that really a miracle? Yes, they fought for their lives. Most preemies these days survive, with a lot of medical intervention. Is that a miracle? Or just science? If their development and long term outcomes are within the statistical range of normal outcomes for that gestation – is that a miracle? Or just the way it works?

My favorite quote of all time on this discussion was in relation to a “miracle” being defined as an “exception”. Sarah, who has been through the micro-preemie ringer with her guy, said “if a 25 weeker was born breathing on his own, that would be the true miracle”. I second that. THAT would be something to see wouldn’t it! Otherwise, the breathing tubes, the surgeries, the intervention – that’s normal course for a baby born that early. Survival for preemies is not a rare thing these days, and therefore, perhaps, hardly a miracle.

How do I define a miracle? I believe there is miracle in transformation. In change. In becoming better. Gavin certainly did beat the odds, but it’s not like he left the hospital immune system intact, with no longer term issues just weeks after he was born. He followed the normal preemie protocol and we were lucky to end up on the better range of normal.

But Gavin transformed me, and that’s where I find the true miracle. I learned to give up control. I learned to trust others. I learned that sometimes it is necessary to lean on others, and not to be too proud to ask for help. I’m nicer, and more compassionate. I realize some fights aren’t worth the battle. I take pleasure in little things I may never have noticed before. I find myself doing nice things just for the heck of it, like complimenting a stranger on her hair or shoes, just to brighten their day. And it makes me feel good too. I don’t take anything for granted.

Most of all, I’ve taken my experience and used it to help others. My job pays the bill, but these days my passion lies in the volunteer work I do for the hospital. I hope to start a support system for women in high risk pregnancies and preemie parents in Central Iowa. I have had the opportunity to sit by the side of three moms of preemies while their babies were in the same NICU as we were and offer my support, advice, and experience.

Would I give up the better me so that Gavin wouldn’t have had to go through what he did? In a heartbeat. But I can’t change that.

I was selfish, narrow-minded, entitled, manipulative, and fairly mediocre as far as people go. I’m far from perfect these days. But I’d like to think that I’ve come a long way. For me, to go through that transformation, is the true miracle.

Gavin, may we never forget the miracles you have brought into our lives. After all, your rough start to life ought to be worth something, right? :)

I love Brothers

Don't you?

Working Mommy Wednesday: Back to Work

I haven't done this for a while, so I thought I would actually participate in the Working Mommy Wednesday question (courtesy of Julia): Maternity Leave - How long did you take? Were you ready to come back? How did you survive/manage? Tips for new moms returning to work?.


With Gavin, I had just been at my job for a few months. If you were there less than a year, you only had 4 weeks paid short term leave @ 100% and then no pay. I used up three of those weeks in the hospital on bed rest, so by the time Gavin was born I only had one paid week remaining. This was my first real job out of college (read: we were young and didn't have tons of money) so I couldn't afford to take a lot of unpaid leave.

Oh yeah, and he was in the NICU being cared for by nurses, not me remember?


I decided to go back to work after three weeks. Yep, I said it THREE WEEKS! My recovery time was next to zero since he was so tiny and I figured if I was going to take unpaid leave, it might as well be when he got home, not while he was in the hospital. At that point he was still hooked up to all sorts of stuff, it's not like I could hold him all day. I woke up at 5, went to the hospital, fed him, went to work, came back over lunch, fed him, back to work, back to hospital after work, then home to sleep. Such was my life for a little over 2 months. He happened to come home right before Thanksgiving, so I had a little vacation time remaining to use, plus the paid holiday days, and spent another week or so home with him. Still not much, but something. Chad worked at QT at the time with an odd schedule and my mom took Friday's off to watch him, so he was only with a sitter a few hours a week. That made it much easier to go back to work after he was home.

It really wasn't that hard to go back to work. It was probably good for me when he was in the hospital because I couldn't obsess over him every second. I think that having something to keep my mind occupied was good for all of us in the long run.

Sam was a different story. I had short term disability that covered the time I was on bed rest in the hospital, as well as 6 weeks post-delivery. I ended up taking a few extra days off so that my return date was a Monday. The first 17 days were spent in the NICU. I had been going to work early prior to having him 6 or so in the morning and coming home earlier, so I continued to get up and to the NICU early since Gavin was used to it. Then I would pick him up from day care and spend the evenings with him.


It was amazing to have 4 weeks home with Sam. I didn't know what that was with Gavin. I don't think I barely put him down for the entire time (his reflux made it hard, but I also just wanted to soak up all that time). I definitely didn't feel as ready to go back to work with Sam. I wanted the adult interaction and the mental stimulation, but it was hard to let go of that bonding time, especially since I felt like I was robbed of it with Gavin.

How did I manage? It's easy. I have a ridiculous work ethic. When I'm there, I'm committed to doing my job. I'm focused, and driven, and that's how I survive. I made a point to pump every three hours, roughly, no matter what. Just b/c I worked didn't mean I was going to let my kids miss out on that.




As far as tips go - I think I would just say make sure you find caretakers that you trust, that are reliable. That don't mind if you call to check in a million times a day. I liked that my day care wrote down every bottle, diaper change, nap - I felt like I was still in the loop somewhat. It's not easy, but eventually you find your "normal". And the biggest tip: once you've made up your mind to work, not work, go back to work: don't second guess, and don't apologize. You're the only person that knows what is right for your family.

Sam loves - LOVES - his cousin Eisley. He can't stop kissing her when she's around.

Week in Review

Gavin finished up the reading and math summer review course. He loves learning, he was happier to go on the days they had class than he is on the field trip days. That's my boy! He's such a charmer, ever since the "Momee yor the best" note that earned him lots of love and praise, I'm hearing "you're the best mommy ever!" at least once a day. Of course I'm also hearing a lot of "you're mean" since he's been a little extra naughty lately and we've been saying "no" a lot, and taking away priveleges. But I'm telling you, he is going to have a gift with the ladies. The other day he looked at me and said "Mom! Look at your skinny tummy!" Smart, smart boy, he is!

Sam gave us a run for our money. We're in the process of getting rid of the bottle and it's been a pretty successful venture during the day. He still needs it before bedtime and if (who am I kidding?) when he wakes at night. Not surprising given he's neither a pacifier or thumb sucking kid. We got down to the bottom of the stomach issues that have lingered since the flu (we hope) and are back to completely dairy free for him. Which is so sad when he asks for his baby yogurt every hour, standing at the fridge. (Yo-Baby yogurt has pics of babies on the containers. He's obsessed with babies). He doesn't tolerate soy well in any significant amount, so the soy yogurt is out as well. But his diapers cleared up really quickly a day after we stopped dairy, so I'm comfortable that was the culprit. He had two nights of the worst night terrors I have ever seen. In exchanging emails with his Dr, he suggested an EEG, which sent me into a panicked tailspin. But after getting some feedback from fellow preemie moms and googling night terrors a bit, I'm confident that this was probably all it was. Between the bottle going away, the stomach issues, and becoming aware of when he needs to/has gone in his diaper, it was kind of the perfect storm for sleep issues. Saturday night he didn't do it, and so far so good tonight. Early Access came and told us how great he's doing, which I am always happy to hear. His 18 mo check up isn't til mid August b/c someone is not staying on top of Dr's appts like she should.

I've started to hit my stride at work, and am really enjoying it! I don't miss my commute at all but I do miss my friends :(

Chad's also been super busy lately, but we've been managing to spend dinner together every night and some play time in on the weekends. This weekend the boys and I took Great-Grandma Lois to brunch, and this afternoon we all played out in the backyard.

I think that's all, I still have pictures from the farm trip to download and post, in the meantime check back for random other photos that I am just getting around to posting :)