Now, I think most people that read this blog understand the implications of prematurity, so I guess I am kind of preaching to the choir. But today I got into a rather uncomfortable exchange at work, and I just have to get it off my chest. I know people can't be expected to understand circumstances that they've never experienced. I know that. It's just hard to remember in the middle of a conversation.
Exchange in the ladies room at work with a lady I am acquainted with.
Me: "So when are you due?"
Her: "Really soon....well, six weeks, but really I am ready any time now."
Me (well, you're not really ready, and neither is your baby and if you delivered now you would have at least a week in the NICU and you don't really want that): "Well, two more weeks in would be good"
Her: "I just keep thinking I can't possibly get any bigger - and then I do!"
Me: "Yeah, I wouldn't really know.....my kids were early"
Her: "Oh you are so lucky! I hope mine's early too, with my luck I'll go past my due date"
Me: "Well, not lucky really. They were 27 weeks and 33 weeks"
Her: "Oh really tiny! But they are doing great now right?"
Me: "Yes, they are great." (but it hasn't always been great. we spent lots of time in the NICU. and there were brain bleeds, and staph infection, and learning to breathe and learning to eat, and constant stress over illness after coming home, and wondering if/when we would "catch up".....)
We're very lucky that they are "doing great" now. But not all preemies are. And we had to go through a lot to get to great. And I wanted more than anything to take some time to educate this pregnant lady on the risks of prematurity. There is a lot of work being done around prematurity prevention - but I think we are lacking education on the subject. I haven't really been in that position before - like I was today - where somebody was just so flippant about it - like being born early just isn't a big deal. My baby spent 82 days in the NICU. If an older kid, or an adult, spent 82 days in ICU - do you think people would shrug that off as lightly?
It takes 40 weeks to grow a baby. Embrace it. And if you can't embrace it, at least don't whine to me about it. I would gladly exchange the NICU for some stretch marks.
And if someone as vain about her appearance as I am can say that....well, that says a lot!
2 comments:
There are so many days I wish I were the type of person who could say what you thought and didn't say either. I think what I don't say sometimes upsets me more than it would have upset the person I didn't say it to? Make sense? (it's so past my bedtime!)
It makes sense. But then, I'm reminded of Meg Ryan in "You've Got Mail" where she finally does say what she wants to say when Tom Hanks is in front of her....and deeply regrets it because she's hurt his feelings. I guess the lesson there is hurting someone else's feelings makes you feel worse than whatever it is you actually thought you wanted to say? I'm trying to remember that prematurity is my burden to bear and I can't expect others to understand what they haven't experienced. Just like I don't want to hear complaints about uncomfortable full termers, I'm sure there are people that can't have kids that don't want to hear me bitch about prematurity "at least you can HAVE children". Trying to do a better job of that perspective, and putting my snarky thoughts on my blog where I can get them off my chest without hurting people's feelings......as if I could actually say it to someone.....since I am so confrontational and all. :)
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